Entering the Red Tent

Another bleed, this time was 14 days after ovulation, and this cycle different again. I felt like I was incredibly bloated before my bleed, like incredibly, looked 6mths pregnant which was freaking me out cause untill I bled, I assumed it was weight gain. But today, all I've done is wee and poo, so maybe tomorow I will look just chunky instead of with child!

I have titled this post entering the Red Tent, because today has felt a little like being in the Red Tent for me, in as much as I did nothing all day today. I didnt actually ask The Divine Miss A for a day off, I just didnt do anything! She cooked and washed up all day and even took the kids out side. I just sat about reading some books and being slow. It made such a change to the usual first day of my bleed, which I am either sat at a park with the kids for a homeschool meet, or shopping, or racing about. Felt quite nurturing.... I guess I should make the most of it, because if things work out, I may only have one or 2 bleeds left this year........ Unfortunately, I am back on duty tomorow, but hey, today was nice. Nice to be slow, to respect my self and allow my body to bleed and that's all.....

Another egg sat lonely and waiting

Tonight I ovulated..... quite late in my cycle, CD19. It was a weird ovulation, very little mucous and no urge to hunt down sperm at all. Like until I ovulated tonight I thought I still had days to go as i had very little mucous and my cervix was kind of half heartedly open. Things didn't feel all that fertile....lucky we weren't a baby making this month then!
I had my last appointment with the herbalist/reflexologist on Thursday and she identifies a soreness related to my pituitary gland on the left side, meaning possible ovulation on the left, and sure enough, the pain was indeed on the left side! She said my feet felt different from the last visit....next visit is in a month and hopefully I'll get the green light to go make a baby!

Meanwhile, I think of that egg, floating down the tube wondering if it is gonna get lucky this month, slowly ageing and dieing in there, unfulfilled.....

Tangentially, Pony Gal lost her second tooth today! We were looking at it after dinner and commenting on how it has part of me in it and part of her grand mother and great grandmother. Poor thing, you could see it was a total mind f*ck for her! But still the amazing concept of all those women from times gone by sat in that little tooth!

The cycle continues

Bleeding again. If I stop and think about it, I think of the egg that never had a chance to become new life, I think of the fact that I am not pregnant, that my womb is crying a river of red over not achieving her goal of housing new life. I feel the blood come in spurts through the day, if I cough or move differently or nurse Water Boy. My aim this month was to catch all my blood on cloth, but we are traveling tomorrow and I have no way of soaking and washing my cloth, so will get up tomorrow and put my moon cup in.
This cycle was a shorter one. Ovulated on the dark of the moon, CD16, and bled a few days before she became full on CD29 (13day LP). I am taking a whole heap of herbs, had a reflexology session last Thursday and taking supplements. I am aiming to balance my hormones....and the herbs also contain fertility promoting herbs....

Before the end of the year I'll be trying to halt the monthly cycles, trying to find a mate for my egg, hoping my womb will embrace her role of making a beautiful soft cushiony home for a small spark of life.

But until then, I will bleed, I will ovulate, I will be aware, in tune and enjoy noticing the dance my body is doing as she does what she does best. I LOVE being a woman!!!!!

Making a presence felt

A few post ago I blogged on ideal baby spacing, my ideal. I believe for me it was felt to be 4 years. That was the gap between my first 2 babies, and the gap I intended to have between Water Boy and his next in line.......
That was till my cycles returned and I have baby fever........bad! I have NEVER felt these feelings in any of the attempts I have made to concieve..... The last few cycles I have had all sorts of hormonal incidences that were odd, severe PMS, super ovulation signs etc...and this last egg was a doozy. This last egg was SCREAMING out to be fertilised. Is my next baby (or babies?!) there already? I say babies because I felt 2 very distinct ovulation pains (or mittleschmertz, one just after midnight and one about 10am the next day. I think medically this would be considered impossible, but I know what I felt and that was 2 eggs pinging at 2 different times.

So whats a gal to do? It isn't as simple as The Divine Miss A and I gettin down ;) as no matter how much we'd get on down, there would be no conception.... So I need swimmers. Water Boys donor (lets call him The Perfect Donor) contacted us just before Water Boy turned 2 ( which was last week btw!!!!) to say we should catch up at some point...but as is usual, the trail has gone cold again lol, so I need to get a dialogue happening there....

But first I am in a quandary. What do I do about ttc another child so soon? I know Water Boy is 2, and by now the majority of people would have had another child if they were going to do so, or be pregnant with the next one..... But he is still so little. He is still nursing round the clock (although I am working on night weaning as gently as I can), and is still my baby. He is out of day nappies (yay to EC!!!!!) and is pretty independent, but still has pretty intense needs for my time and attention, and adding a baby to that mix would be taking away from those needs. Then there is the fact he is still nursing on demand. Seeing and talking to friends who are tandem nursing, I am not sure that I want to do that either, but would have to think my choosing another baby would cut short his nursing or make him wean early due to changes in my milk supply.......
But oh, the unmistakable, full body urge, actual pull to be creating new life. Once the egg is out, it fades, but it will take allot of strength and processing to not start down the path of creating new life, new life that appears to be so close by and asking so loudly to be given a chance to come forward.......

Ouch!

As I type this I am ovulating. It hurts dammit! I always get pain with ovulation, ALWAYS. I don't know whether it is more common for women with PCOS, or just an across the board thing. At least i know I am ovulating, but geez it hurts. It also signals that the insane need to make a baby feeling that I have been having in the last 2 days is coming to an end. Come on body, get it together, it will be at least another year till we even go there!

reminded to post by a delayed eggie!

I have neglected this area of my blog of late. Firstly because we went over seas for 6 weeks, then because I was snowed under till now trying to catch up with life.
Funnily though, no matter how busy life gets, your body still cycles, bleeds, becomes fertile and bleeds again.
I bled once while I was away on holidays, while we were in London. It was no big deal, used my moon cup and had to change frequently, but it was easy to do. My next ovulation was on the train on the way home from the Airport once we landed in Australia. I think hormonally my body is really ready to make a baby because I experienced INTENSE attraction for, well really the first man in my whole life! Happened to see him as I was ovulating, and it was intense, unsettling and weird. I also experienced the worst PMS I have ever had in my life that cycle. Feeling and thinking the most awful thoughts that appeared completely lucid at the time, but once I bled it was like whoa, go sort your self out!
So I did, got some bush flower female essences, EPO, vitamin B's and some nasty herbs. The next cycle was much better, less painful ovulation and fairly ok pre menstrual phase.

Which brings me to my current cycle. I ovulated today, this evening, over dinner time (which is a pretty normal time for me to ovulate!) thing is today is CD 20 for me which seems to be the pattern since menstrual return after Water Boys birth....but I have also put on 4kg in a month, and I am worried that I am heading into a similar insulin resistant phase as I did after birthing Pony Gal (where my weight ballooned and my PCOS was very out of control) as I am noticing similar things like very easy weight gain, and a week or more of fertile signs (like my cervix just sits there wide open oozing copious amounts of clear mucous for a week before I ping an egg). I have also changed my diet in the last month, electing to be more vegetarian and there fore more high carb. Looks like I may need to hit the low carb, meat based diet again soon as I don't like this impact on my body.
I also am approaching Water Boys 2nd birthday, and hope to ttc a 3rd (and sadly final for our family) baby once he turns 3, which means I only have a year to try and sort my body out as this time I want to ttc without any western medicines..... wish me luck!

A new cycle...early again

My bleed began today... Early. 33 day cycle, ovulated cd 22 and bled 11 days later. This cycle I am using a moon cup. I am feeling allot of cramps in my belly and lower back, and that uncomfortable full/swollen feeling in my vulva. Didn't get that last month. Not wanting to use my cloth pads though this month as we are away traveling on Saturday and the weather is a little too wet to guarantee washing will dry by then.
At least bleeding now means I wont be when we fly!