Some thoughts on child spacing

I have 2 kids....4yrs apart..... Initially I assumed I'd have them closer together like the traditional 2 under 2. But I didn't conceive (or I did, but lost very early). So we kept trying on and off till eventually just after Pony Gal turned 3, I finally conceived a 'sticker' who was born almost 1mth after Pony Gal turned 4!

So I read allot and thought allot. I have read the opinion online that 7yrs is the ideal gap. Most children have finished breastfeeding by then, they are able to feed, cloth and attend to their own elimination needs. Apparently it also is an age where they have left the young childhood behind and are happy to allow a new baby to take that role..... But 7yrs feel a very long time between babies!
So what of the traditional gap of less than 2yrs???? Well I feel in many ways it is not ideal. Your first child should still be breastfeeding by then (current WHO guidelines endorse feeding till 2 and beyond ), and a pregnancy can jeopardise breastfeeding. For a child to wean before 2 is really not ideal. Then there is the fact that a 2yo is still very much a baby themselves. These days still in nappies, not able to get their own food, still needing a cuddle and to be settled by someone to sleep (I am talking AP kids here!) and usually still being carried or worn for the main part.
Then there is an increasing trend amongst the AP community to wait till the baby turns 2 then try for another which would mean the next baby being born when the 1st is 3yo or just under. By then the child may have weaned or be close to it, or be happy to nurse through pregnancy if need be. But they are still quite young. Between 3yo and 5yo there is a HUGE amount of change that kids go through, huge developmental, physical and emotional leaps. Boys get their testosterone surge then, and from my experience, girls must get some pretty big hormonal changes as they can appear almost premenstrually moody at times! I wouldn't personally choose to have a gap of 3yrs or less. I like to finish off my kids babyhood before devoting time to another baby. 3yo's are still often carried, still need love and attention in HUGE amounts and are often still not 100% toilet independent. They can usually sort their own food out if it is made accessible to them though.

So what of 4yrs...that is the gap we got landed with. At first I was sad my son took his time to want to join our family, but as I watched others struggle with much closer gaps, I realised that it was actually ok! My older daughter was helpful, she was mature and understood waiting, she was toilet independent, could help herself to food and was not really being carried any more. But 4 was also our hardest year. (2's were actually wonderful!) She faced so many trials as she reached for Independence and a sense of self. I have watched other 4yo's with and without siblings go through exactly the same thing, so I know it wasn't just having a baby sibling to deal with that made that year hard!
But by 4yrs, the age gap is very apparent. They will grow up together, but not 'together' as siblings with a much closer gap will. It also means that by the time the next baby is born my oldest will be 8yo.....

So what is an ideal gap? If left totally to nature, my body would be ready to conceive now, meaning that my son would be just under 2yo....too close a gap for me, and I dare say for him. I think allot of people think 2 is quite grown up, and compared to a baby, it is, but they are actually still quite young!
I think only knowing what I know and have experienced, I will wait till Water Boy is 3yo, then start trying for our next and probably last baby.
Why not wait till he is 7? Well, I could, and who knows, maybe my path is meant to feature that gap, but I'd like to think my kids could have some sort of relating, some sort of shared childhood, and a 7 year gap kind of precludes that. Not to mention I'd be allot older than I am now, and I am not sure I want that for myself!!!!! Maybe if I started birthing my babies at 18 I could fit in my 3 kids by the time I was menopausal!

So we'll do 4 years. It feels right for our family, for my kids. And I guess at the end of the day, that is important. I know other closer gaps would not work for us as a family, but I guess they work for others (especially if they favour a more hands off or mainstream approach to parenting), and work well. Perhaps the ideal gap is the one you actually have?????