Entering the Red Tent

Another bleed, this time was 14 days after ovulation, and this cycle different again. I felt like I was incredibly bloated before my bleed, like incredibly, looked 6mths pregnant which was freaking me out cause untill I bled, I assumed it was weight gain. But today, all I've done is wee and poo, so maybe tomorow I will look just chunky instead of with child!

I have titled this post entering the Red Tent, because today has felt a little like being in the Red Tent for me, in as much as I did nothing all day today. I didnt actually ask The Divine Miss A for a day off, I just didnt do anything! She cooked and washed up all day and even took the kids out side. I just sat about reading some books and being slow. It made such a change to the usual first day of my bleed, which I am either sat at a park with the kids for a homeschool meet, or shopping, or racing about. Felt quite nurturing.... I guess I should make the most of it, because if things work out, I may only have one or 2 bleeds left this year........ Unfortunately, I am back on duty tomorow, but hey, today was nice. Nice to be slow, to respect my self and allow my body to bleed and that's all.....

Another egg sat lonely and waiting

Tonight I ovulated..... quite late in my cycle, CD19. It was a weird ovulation, very little mucous and no urge to hunt down sperm at all. Like until I ovulated tonight I thought I still had days to go as i had very little mucous and my cervix was kind of half heartedly open. Things didn't feel all that fertile....lucky we weren't a baby making this month then!
I had my last appointment with the herbalist/reflexologist on Thursday and she identifies a soreness related to my pituitary gland on the left side, meaning possible ovulation on the left, and sure enough, the pain was indeed on the left side! She said my feet felt different from the last visit....next visit is in a month and hopefully I'll get the green light to go make a baby!

Meanwhile, I think of that egg, floating down the tube wondering if it is gonna get lucky this month, slowly ageing and dieing in there, unfulfilled.....

Tangentially, Pony Gal lost her second tooth today! We were looking at it after dinner and commenting on how it has part of me in it and part of her grand mother and great grandmother. Poor thing, you could see it was a total mind f*ck for her! But still the amazing concept of all those women from times gone by sat in that little tooth!

The cycle continues

Bleeding again. If I stop and think about it, I think of the egg that never had a chance to become new life, I think of the fact that I am not pregnant, that my womb is crying a river of red over not achieving her goal of housing new life. I feel the blood come in spurts through the day, if I cough or move differently or nurse Water Boy. My aim this month was to catch all my blood on cloth, but we are traveling tomorrow and I have no way of soaking and washing my cloth, so will get up tomorrow and put my moon cup in.
This cycle was a shorter one. Ovulated on the dark of the moon, CD16, and bled a few days before she became full on CD29 (13day LP). I am taking a whole heap of herbs, had a reflexology session last Thursday and taking supplements. I am aiming to balance my hormones....and the herbs also contain fertility promoting herbs....

Before the end of the year I'll be trying to halt the monthly cycles, trying to find a mate for my egg, hoping my womb will embrace her role of making a beautiful soft cushiony home for a small spark of life.

But until then, I will bleed, I will ovulate, I will be aware, in tune and enjoy noticing the dance my body is doing as she does what she does best. I LOVE being a woman!!!!!

Making a presence felt

A few post ago I blogged on ideal baby spacing, my ideal. I believe for me it was felt to be 4 years. That was the gap between my first 2 babies, and the gap I intended to have between Water Boy and his next in line.......
That was till my cycles returned and I have baby fever........bad! I have NEVER felt these feelings in any of the attempts I have made to concieve..... The last few cycles I have had all sorts of hormonal incidences that were odd, severe PMS, super ovulation signs etc...and this last egg was a doozy. This last egg was SCREAMING out to be fertilised. Is my next baby (or babies?!) there already? I say babies because I felt 2 very distinct ovulation pains (or mittleschmertz, one just after midnight and one about 10am the next day. I think medically this would be considered impossible, but I know what I felt and that was 2 eggs pinging at 2 different times.

So whats a gal to do? It isn't as simple as The Divine Miss A and I gettin down ;) as no matter how much we'd get on down, there would be no conception.... So I need swimmers. Water Boys donor (lets call him The Perfect Donor) contacted us just before Water Boy turned 2 ( which was last week btw!!!!) to say we should catch up at some point...but as is usual, the trail has gone cold again lol, so I need to get a dialogue happening there....

But first I am in a quandary. What do I do about ttc another child so soon? I know Water Boy is 2, and by now the majority of people would have had another child if they were going to do so, or be pregnant with the next one..... But he is still so little. He is still nursing round the clock (although I am working on night weaning as gently as I can), and is still my baby. He is out of day nappies (yay to EC!!!!!) and is pretty independent, but still has pretty intense needs for my time and attention, and adding a baby to that mix would be taking away from those needs. Then there is the fact he is still nursing on demand. Seeing and talking to friends who are tandem nursing, I am not sure that I want to do that either, but would have to think my choosing another baby would cut short his nursing or make him wean early due to changes in my milk supply.......
But oh, the unmistakable, full body urge, actual pull to be creating new life. Once the egg is out, it fades, but it will take allot of strength and processing to not start down the path of creating new life, new life that appears to be so close by and asking so loudly to be given a chance to come forward.......

Ouch!

As I type this I am ovulating. It hurts dammit! I always get pain with ovulation, ALWAYS. I don't know whether it is more common for women with PCOS, or just an across the board thing. At least i know I am ovulating, but geez it hurts. It also signals that the insane need to make a baby feeling that I have been having in the last 2 days is coming to an end. Come on body, get it together, it will be at least another year till we even go there!

reminded to post by a delayed eggie!

I have neglected this area of my blog of late. Firstly because we went over seas for 6 weeks, then because I was snowed under till now trying to catch up with life.
Funnily though, no matter how busy life gets, your body still cycles, bleeds, becomes fertile and bleeds again.
I bled once while I was away on holidays, while we were in London. It was no big deal, used my moon cup and had to change frequently, but it was easy to do. My next ovulation was on the train on the way home from the Airport once we landed in Australia. I think hormonally my body is really ready to make a baby because I experienced INTENSE attraction for, well really the first man in my whole life! Happened to see him as I was ovulating, and it was intense, unsettling and weird. I also experienced the worst PMS I have ever had in my life that cycle. Feeling and thinking the most awful thoughts that appeared completely lucid at the time, but once I bled it was like whoa, go sort your self out!
So I did, got some bush flower female essences, EPO, vitamin B's and some nasty herbs. The next cycle was much better, less painful ovulation and fairly ok pre menstrual phase.

Which brings me to my current cycle. I ovulated today, this evening, over dinner time (which is a pretty normal time for me to ovulate!) thing is today is CD 20 for me which seems to be the pattern since menstrual return after Water Boys birth....but I have also put on 4kg in a month, and I am worried that I am heading into a similar insulin resistant phase as I did after birthing Pony Gal (where my weight ballooned and my PCOS was very out of control) as I am noticing similar things like very easy weight gain, and a week or more of fertile signs (like my cervix just sits there wide open oozing copious amounts of clear mucous for a week before I ping an egg). I have also changed my diet in the last month, electing to be more vegetarian and there fore more high carb. Looks like I may need to hit the low carb, meat based diet again soon as I don't like this impact on my body.
I also am approaching Water Boys 2nd birthday, and hope to ttc a 3rd (and sadly final for our family) baby once he turns 3, which means I only have a year to try and sort my body out as this time I want to ttc without any western medicines..... wish me luck!

A new cycle...early again

My bleed began today... Early. 33 day cycle, ovulated cd 22 and bled 11 days later. This cycle I am using a moon cup. I am feeling allot of cramps in my belly and lower back, and that uncomfortable full/swollen feeling in my vulva. Didn't get that last month. Not wanting to use my cloth pads though this month as we are away traveling on Saturday and the weather is a little too wet to guarantee washing will dry by then.
At least bleeding now means I wont be when we fly!

Finally! An egg!

So last night I ovulated! CD22. It was painful as usual, another egg from the right side, I think this time from around the top of my ovary (last month was the bottom at the front).
I was looking back at my period diary (which I have kept since April 1997) and my cycles seem to be following a similar pattern as they did after Pony Gals birth....about a week of heavy clear mucous before I ovulate.
I hate the pain of ovulation, I hate that my nipples are sore while I ovulate too, it makes feeding uncomfy. I wonder if there is a supplement or something that would help with the nipple tenderness?????

Oi, wheres my next egg?

Today is CD20 for me, ie 20 days after my last bleed and so far no ovulation. All the signs are there though, lots of EWCM, and sore nipples while feeding. I am bummed that I am not more regular at this point, and am concerned that my PCOS is flaring up.
I was also assuming that I wouldn't be bleeding on our first flight over seas.....looks like I might be now...bummer!

1st bleed came early....

Before I birthed my kids, and actually since I have been charting, the amount of time from ovulation to bleed is ALWAYS 14 days...unless interrupted by a pregnancy. This cycle though it was only 10 day and snuck up on me totally! I was on the loo, about to have my evening shower. The divine Miss A and Water Boy were in chatting to me. I wiped after my wee and The Divine Miss A said, ' Oh, are you bleeding'? I looked at the loo paper and sure enough, I was. No cramps, no warning, nothing. Actually, besides being very heavy, I had no cramping at all this cycle....uncomfy around my tail bone (which in hind site may have been cramping if my uterus has moved position????)
So I wore my beautiful cloth pads for the whole bleed. Soaking them in a container and feeding my garden with my first post baby blood. I usually use a moon cup, and to be totally honest, I find it easier and less fuss to do that. Maybe see how I go next cycle.....
Right now I am 14 days after my bleed started, and I can feel my body getting ready to release another egg. I just hope my nipples don't get as sore this month, feeding Water Boy was a night mare!

Some thoughts on child spacing

I have 2 kids....4yrs apart..... Initially I assumed I'd have them closer together like the traditional 2 under 2. But I didn't conceive (or I did, but lost very early). So we kept trying on and off till eventually just after Pony Gal turned 3, I finally conceived a 'sticker' who was born almost 1mth after Pony Gal turned 4!

So I read allot and thought allot. I have read the opinion online that 7yrs is the ideal gap. Most children have finished breastfeeding by then, they are able to feed, cloth and attend to their own elimination needs. Apparently it also is an age where they have left the young childhood behind and are happy to allow a new baby to take that role..... But 7yrs feel a very long time between babies!
So what of the traditional gap of less than 2yrs???? Well I feel in many ways it is not ideal. Your first child should still be breastfeeding by then (current WHO guidelines endorse feeding till 2 and beyond ), and a pregnancy can jeopardise breastfeeding. For a child to wean before 2 is really not ideal. Then there is the fact that a 2yo is still very much a baby themselves. These days still in nappies, not able to get their own food, still needing a cuddle and to be settled by someone to sleep (I am talking AP kids here!) and usually still being carried or worn for the main part.
Then there is an increasing trend amongst the AP community to wait till the baby turns 2 then try for another which would mean the next baby being born when the 1st is 3yo or just under. By then the child may have weaned or be close to it, or be happy to nurse through pregnancy if need be. But they are still quite young. Between 3yo and 5yo there is a HUGE amount of change that kids go through, huge developmental, physical and emotional leaps. Boys get their testosterone surge then, and from my experience, girls must get some pretty big hormonal changes as they can appear almost premenstrually moody at times! I wouldn't personally choose to have a gap of 3yrs or less. I like to finish off my kids babyhood before devoting time to another baby. 3yo's are still often carried, still need love and attention in HUGE amounts and are often still not 100% toilet independent. They can usually sort their own food out if it is made accessible to them though.

So what of 4yrs...that is the gap we got landed with. At first I was sad my son took his time to want to join our family, but as I watched others struggle with much closer gaps, I realised that it was actually ok! My older daughter was helpful, she was mature and understood waiting, she was toilet independent, could help herself to food and was not really being carried any more. But 4 was also our hardest year. (2's were actually wonderful!) She faced so many trials as she reached for Independence and a sense of self. I have watched other 4yo's with and without siblings go through exactly the same thing, so I know it wasn't just having a baby sibling to deal with that made that year hard!
But by 4yrs, the age gap is very apparent. They will grow up together, but not 'together' as siblings with a much closer gap will. It also means that by the time the next baby is born my oldest will be 8yo.....

So what is an ideal gap? If left totally to nature, my body would be ready to conceive now, meaning that my son would be just under 2yo....too close a gap for me, and I dare say for him. I think allot of people think 2 is quite grown up, and compared to a baby, it is, but they are actually still quite young!
I think only knowing what I know and have experienced, I will wait till Water Boy is 3yo, then start trying for our next and probably last baby.
Why not wait till he is 7? Well, I could, and who knows, maybe my path is meant to feature that gap, but I'd like to think my kids could have some sort of relating, some sort of shared childhood, and a 7 year gap kind of precludes that. Not to mention I'd be allot older than I am now, and I am not sure I want that for myself!!!!! Maybe if I started birthing my babies at 18 I could fit in my 3 kids by the time I was menopausal!

So we'll do 4 years. It feels right for our family, for my kids. And I guess at the end of the day, that is important. I know other closer gaps would not work for us as a family, but I guess they work for others (especially if they favour a more hands off or mainstream approach to parenting), and work well. Perhaps the ideal gap is the one you actually have?????

My first egg post childbirth!

I am one of those women who actually likes her bleed. I have no idea why, but I look forward each month to my cycle in all its fullness. I like watching for the signs leading up to ovulation (even when I'm not ttc!) and I get severe ovulation pain (AKA Mittelschmerz), so I can pinpoint ovulation each month...and then the count down begins till I bleed :)
Once my period starts I feel great. I use a moon cup that I have had for about 4yrs now, and cloth pads hand made by women around the world (well in the U.K, the USA and Australia). Before the moon cup and cloth pads I used sea sponges with my bleed.
I have a diary somewhere of EVERY cycle since I was about 21yrs old till I conceived my second child. He was born 18mths ago, and 2 nights ago I ovulated for the first time since he was born....so that means in just 2w I shall be bleeding again! I have so missed my cycles.
I also have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). One of the biggest things it does to me is mess with my cycles. I have longer cycles. When I was younger (I think the actual reason I started the diary!) I'd go 6mths between bleeds. I was very irregular. Over the years I have learnt to read my body well and can now tell the signs of fertility quite accurately without charting or taking my temperature. This comes in handy as both my kids were conceived using artificial insemination of fresh sperm at home. The fewer of those to do each try, the better IMHO!

So here begins my online journal of my cycles post baby #2.....